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Irene adler why are you always so suspicious sherlock holmes should I answer chronologically or alphabetically sherlock holmes you have the grand gift of silence watson it makes you quite invaluable as a companion watson punches him in the face dr john watson holmes points his violin bow at watson get that out of my face sherlock holmes it’s not in your face it’s in my hand dr john watson get what’s in your hand out of my face sherlock holmes to watson never theorize before you have data invariably you end up twisting facts to suit theories instead of theories to suit facts first lines sherlock holmes voice over head cocked to the left partial deafness in ear first point of attack two throat paralyze vocal chords stop scream three got to be a heavy drinker floating rib to the liver four finally drag in left leg fist to patella summary prognosis unconscious in ninety seconds martial efficacy quarter of an hour at best full faculty recovery unlikely inspector lestrade you know in another life you’d have made an excellent criminal sherlock holmes yes and you sir an excellent policeman sherlock holmes you’ve never complained about my methods before dr john watson i’m not complaining sherlock holmes you’re not what do you call this dr john watson I never complain how am I complaining when do I ever complain about you practicing the violin at three in the morning or your mess your general lack of hygiene or the fact that you steal my clothes sherlock holmes uh we have a barter system dr john watson when have I ever complained about you setting fire to my rooms sherlock holmes our rooms dr john watson the rooms or or the fact that you experiment on my dog sherlock holmes our dog dr john watson the dog sherlock holmes gladstone is our dog irene adler i’ve never woke up in handcuffs before sherlock holmes I have naked dr john watson you’ve been in this room for two weeks I insist you have to get out sherlock holmes there is absolutely nothing of interest to me out there on earth at all dr john watson so you’re free this evening sherlock holmes absolutely dr john watson dinner sherlock holmes wonderful dr john watson the royale sherlock holmes my favorite dr john watson mary’s coming sherlock holmes not available dr john watson you’re meeting her holmes sherlock holmes have you proposed yet dr john watson no I haven’t found the right ring sherlock holmes then it’s not official dr john watson it’s happening whether you like it or not 8 30 the royale wear a jacket sherlock holmes you wear a jacket in a bare knuckle boxing match holmes sees irene and tries to forfeit and leave sherlock holmes that’s it big man you’ve won congratulations mcmurdo oi we ain’t done yet he spits at the back of holmes’ head holmes stops sherlock holmes voice over this mustn’t register on an emotional level in slow motion sherlock holmes first distract target holmes throws a handerchief in front of mcmurdo’s face sherlock holmes then block his blind jab counter with cross to left cheek discombobulate slams his hands over mcmurdo’s ears sherlock holmes dazed will attempt wild haymaker employ elbow block and body shot block feral left weaken right jaw now fracture a cross to the jaw fractures the bone sherlock holmes break cracked ribs traumatize solar plexus dislocate jaw entirely two more body blows and a right hook to the jaw hinge sherlock holmes heel kick to diaphragm holmes finishes with a heel kick to mcmurdo’s chest sending him crashing out of the ring sherlock holmes in summary ears ringing jaw fractured three ribs cracked four broken diaphragm haemmorraging physical recovery six weeks full psychological recovery six months capacity to spit at back of head neutralized back in real time holmes picks up the handkerchief as though wiping the back of his neck then does all of the foregoing in about eight seconds and kicks mcmurdo out of the ring sherlock holmes it’s a matter of professional integrity no girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man’s dead or not sir thomas mr holmes apologies for summoning you like this i’m sure it’s quite a mystery as to where you are and who I am sherlock holmes as to where I am I was admittedly lost for a moment between charing cross and holborn but I was saved by the bread shop on saffron hill the only baker to use a certain french glaze on their loaves a brittany sage after that the carriage forked left then right and then the tell tale bump at the fleet conduit and as to who you are that took every ounce of my not inconsiderable experience the letters on your desk were addressed to a sir thomas rotherham lord chief justice that would be the official title who you really are is of course another matter entirely judging by the sacred ox on your ring you’re the secret head of the temple of the four orders in whose headquarters we now sit located on the northwest corner of st james square I think as to the mystery the only mystery is why you bothered to blindfold me at all sir thomas recovering as best he can yes well standard procedure I suppose watson and mary enter baker street to find holmes hanging from a noose dr john watson don’t worry dear suicide is not in his repertoire he’s far too fond of himself for that pokes holmes sharply dr john watson holmes sherlock holmes wakes up oh good afternoon I was attempting to determine the means by which blackwood survived his execution clearing your good name as it were but it had a surprisingly soporific effect and I found myself carried off into the arms of morpheus like a caterpillar in a cocoon to mary sherlock holmes good afternoon dear dr john watson get on with it holmes sherlock holmes well cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook oh my I think my legs have fallen asleep I should probably come down mary morstan john shouldn’t we help him down dr john watson no no I hate to cut him off mid stream carry on sherlock holmes well the executioner attached it to a harness which allowed the weight to be distributed around the waist and the neck to remain intact oh lord I can’t feel my cheeks might we continue this at ground level dr john watson how did you manage it holmes sherlock holmes I managed it with braces belts and a coat hook please watson my tongue is going soon i’ll be of no use to you at all dr john watson worse things could happen dr john watson what of mary palm reader m for mary for marriage oh you will be married dr john watson nodding his head slowly go on palm reader looking intensely at watson’s palm oh I see pattern tablecloth and oh china figurines and ugh lace doilies sherlock holmes pretending to be deep in thought mmm doilies dr john watson lace doilies holmes does your depravity know no bounds sherlock holmes no palm reader continuing her prophecies about mary oh then she turns fat and ugh she has a beard and sherlock holmes what of the warts palm reader ah she’s covered in warts dr john watson interrupting the palm reader enough enough sherlock holmes are they extensive dr john watson please enough sherlock holmes my mind rebels at stagnation give me problems give me work irene adler you’ll miss me sherlock sherlock holmes sadly yes sherlock holmes my journey took me some what further down the rabbit hole than I intended and though I dirtied my fluffy white tail I have emerged enlightened sherlock holmes and chambermaids were once such a liberal breed constable clark my wife’s a chambermaid sir uncomfortable silence constable clark anyhow it’s a good thing she was offended sir otherwise we’d never have found you sherlock holmes yes more uncomfortable silence constable clark just joking about the wife sir sherlock holmes ah holmes has been firing a gun into the wall dr john watson permission to enter the armory sherlock holmes granted he fires again sherlock holmes watson I am in the process of inventing a device which muffles the sound of a gunshot he yells in pain as watson opens the curtains letting sunlight into the room dr john watson it’s not working last lines sherlock holmes case re opened sherlock holmes there is a toxin refined from the nectar of the rhododendron ponticum it’s quite infamous in the region of turkey bordering the black sea for its ability to induce an apparently mortal paralysis enough to deceive even a medical mind as tenacious and well trained as yours it’s known locally as mary morstan noticing what’s wrong with gladstone sherlock holmes mad honey disease oh he’s just demonstrating the very effect i’ve just described he doesn’t mind blackwood’s coffin is opened inspector lestrade that’s not blackwood sherlock holmes well now we have a firm grasp of the obvious sherlock holmes what of the coffin lestrade inspector lestrade well we are in the process of bringing it up holmes looks at the unmoving constables sherlock holmes indeed what stage of the process contemplative irene adler moriarty sherlock holmes what irene adler that’s his name everyone has a weak spot and he found mine sherlock holmes what was it by the way irene looked at sherlock and sherlock twigs that he was her weak spot dr john watson you really believe he was resurrected sherlock holmes the question is not if but how the game’s afoot dr john watson follow your spirit dr john watson sherlock holmes and upon this charge cry ‘god for harry england and st george ‘ a chambermaid enters irene adler’s room and screams when she sees holmes handcuffed naked to the bed with a pillow covering his groin sherlock holmes madam I need you to remain calm and trust me i’m a professional beneath this pillow lies the key to my release the maid screams again and runs out cut to later in a carriage sherlock holmes of course she mis interpreted my intention entirely constable clark naturally sir sherlock holmes after being tossed across the room un moment s’il vous plait dredger affably je ne suis pas pressé holmes picks up a gadget from the midget’s workshop and it turns out to be a taser that sends dredger flying across the room crushing another thug who has watson pinned dr john watson holmes what is that sherlock holmes je ne sais pas mary morstan it does seem a little far fetched though making all these grand assumptions based on such tiny details sherlock holmes mm that’s not quite right is it in fact the little details are by far the most important lord blackwood sherlock holmes and his loyal dog tell me doctor as a medical man have you enjoyed my work dr john watson let me show you how much i’ve enjoyed it he rushes at blackwood holmes holds him back sherlock holmes watson don’t observe watson sees blackwood’s trap dr john watson how did you see that sherlock holmes because I was looking for it sherlock holmes after two henchmen call in dredger to watson meat or potatoes dr john watson my ten minutes are up mary morstan mary asks holmes to make some deductions regarding herself what can you tell about me sherlock holmes you dr john watson I don’t think that’s sherlock holmes I don’t know if that’s dr john watson not at dinner sherlock holmes perhaps some other time mary morstan I insist sherlock holmes you insist dr john watson you remember we’ve discussed this sherlock holmes demanding the lady insists inspector lestrade and you were supposed to wait for my orders sherlock holmes if I had you’d be cleaning up a corpse and chasing a rumor besides the girl’s parents hired me not the yard why they thought you’d require any assistance is beyond me dredger cour petit lapin cour sherlock holmes avec plaisir lestrade brings holmes handcuffed before the home secretary lord coward inspector lestrade excuse me my lord I know it’s unorthodox but mr holmes here has been making some serious accusations about you lestrade lifts his lapel showing a membership pin from the temple of the four orders inspector lestrade and the order sir lord coward I see sherlock holmes well at least that solves the great mystery of how you became inspector lestrade turns and punches holmes in the stomach inspector lestrade begging your pardon my lord but i’ve been wanting to do that for a long time sherlock holmes there’s only at one case that intrigues me at present the curious case of mrs hudson the absentee landlady i’ve been studying her comings and goings they appear most sinister mrs hudson tea mr holmes sherlock holmes is it poisoned nanny mrs hudson there’s enough of that in you already about blackwood coming back from the grave sherlock holmes have the newspapers got wind of it yet constable clark well that’s what we’re trying to avoid sir sherlock holmes certainly what’s the major concern constable clark panic sheer bloody panic sir mrs hudson starts to clear space for the tea tray sherlock holmes don’t touch everything is in its proper place as per usual nanny on her way out mrs hudson notices the dog laying on the floor mrs hudson oh he’s killed the dog again dr john watson irritated what have you done to gladstone now sherlock holmes I was simply testing a new anesthetic he doesn’t mind dr john watson no not you mary and I you are not sherlock holmes what invited why would I be not invited to my own brother’s country home watson now you are not making any sense dr john watson you are not human on moriarty irene adler please don’t underestimate him he’s just as brilliant as you are and infinitely more devious sherlock holmes we’ll see about that irene adler i’d say you’re between jobs sherlock holmes and you between husbands irene adler he was boring and he was jealous and he snored i’m irene adler again sherlock holmes ship sinking behind them watson what have you done sherlock holmes data data data I cannot make bricks without clay sherlock holmes as he’s fighting one of blackwood’s minions calls out to irene adler woman shoot him now please holmes is spying on blackwood’s sacrifice a henchman tries to sneak up on him but watson grabs him and puts him in a hold dr john watson I like the hat sherlock holmes thanks I just picked it up dr john watson you remember your revolver sherlock holmes oh knew I forgot something thought I left the stove on dr john watson you did sherlock holmes I think that’s quite enough you are a doctor after all watson feels the henchman’s pulse and lets him fall to the floor sherlock holmes always nice to see you watson sherlock holmes whatever he was working on he obviously succeeded dr john watson how do you know sherlock holmes otherwise he’d still be alive sherlock holmes ah putrefaction inspector lestrade from inside blackwood’s tomb you took your time holmes sherlock holmes portentously and on the third day sherlock holmes first the world will see you for what you are a fraud then you’ll be hanged properly this time lord blackwood it’s a long journey from here to the rope dr john watson holmes does your depravity know no bounds sherlock holmes nonchalantly no sherlock holmes where’s the inspector dr john watson getting his troops lined up sherlock holmes that could be all day sherlock holmes thre’s nothing more elusive than an obvious fact watson is sorting holmes’s un read mail in response to his demand for work dr john watson lady radford reports her emerald bracelet has gone missing sherlock holmes not looking up insurance swindle lord radford likes fast women and slow ponies sherlock holmes to lord blackwood I wonder if they’d let watson and me dissect your brain after you hang of course i’d wager there would be some deformity that would be scientifically significant in that way at least you could serve some kind of useful purpose sherlock holmes telling a joke to a prisoner and he said may I push in your stool raucous laughter sherlock holmes go along now I won’t be chasing you anymore fare thee well irene adler I don’t wanna run anymore holmes and watson are searching riordan’s house sherlock holmes there’s one odor I can’t put my finger on is it candy floss molasses ah barley sugar watson turns around to see two goons enter one holding a dr john watson toffee apple sherlock holmes let me guess judging by your arsonist’s tool kit you’re here to burn down the building and destroy all the evidence therein thug just one minute boys calls thug oh dredger as dredger enters holmes and watson look up and up dredger il y a un problème sherlock holmes there’s only one case that intrigues me at present the curious case of mrs hudson the absentee landlady i’ve been studying here comings and goings and they appear most sinister mrs hudson tea mr holmes sherlock holmes is it poisoned nanny mrs hudson there’s enough of that in you already mrs hudson starts to clear space for the tea tray sherlock holmes don’t touch everything is in its proper place as per usual nanny sherlock holmes to lestrade about the criminals holmes has just overcome one for the doctor one for the rope sherlock holmes frenetially esiring more relevant information on the case data data data I cannot make bricks without clay sherlock holmes to watson my mind rebels at stagnation give me work the sooner the better sherlock holmes to lord blackwood you’d better hope it’s just superstition as you performed all the rituals perfectly the devil’s due a soul i’d say sherlock holmes there was never any magic merely conjuring tricks. 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